What a Difference a Week Makes!

So, I am feeling much better now, thankyouverymuchforasking.

I realized, that if someone had asked me one year ago what my ideal life would be like today, I would have responded that I wanted the following things:

1. A wonderful boyfriend/partner - CHECK!
2. A good, stable job with decent health benefits - CHECK!
3. My massage practice to be to a point where I am seeing 2-3 clients a week consistently - CHECK!
4. My dog not peeing on the floor anymore - CHECK! (and truly, this might be appropriately placed slightly higher on the list)
5. In grad school, working to get myself out of debt - CHECK! (more on my master financial plan at a later date!)
   
6. I would have more yarn - CHECK, double CHECK and triple CHECK! (the stash getteth out of hand!)

This brings up the question of why am I feeling overwhelmed if I have all the things I thought I wanted? I think it was more a feeling of, for the first time in a long time, my life seems to be going ferociously in the direction I want it to, and that is a little scary. There has been a great deal of change going on around here in the last 10 months, and that is scary, but at the same time, the things that are changing are all things that I wanted to change, and I am grateful for where I am and to be abale to do the things I want to do with the people I want to do them with.

For the past week, whenever I felt overwhelmed by what was going on, I just took a step back, and said to myself "this is what you are doing right now, at this very minute (i.e. driving in the car, walking to my office, knitting a never ending surprise wedding present for my BFF), doesn't matter what is going on in ten minutes or ten days, this is what you are doing now and this is what is important." This focusing in on the present has really helped me to come back into myself a little, if that makes sense. I tend to get super stressed out about all the things that are going on in my life that are coming up instead of enjoying the things that happen to me as they are actually occurring. This past week, I made a concerted effort to not let myself do that, and it has made a huge change in how I feel.

I'm doing what I can, when I can, and instead of feeling overwhelmed, I feel grateful that I have the kind of life that I wanted and now know I am capable of having. I'm taking it one day at a time, and trying to change my perspective on things. For example, I am no longer saying "I have to fly to Florida by myself for the first time since 9/11 and pick up a rental car and then drive all over Florida to go pick up my HNB who will most likely already be drunk and then go to a wedding where I know exactly three people, all in the same day."

New attitude is dudes, I'm f***ing going to Florida - pass the sunscreen!

Update on this week's activities: Had a super fun time last weekend with HNB at the track; my lawyer friend "gently" informed him that I was allowed to bring knitting. I brought it, but didn't actually do any knitting because I never got bored. I did, however, bring the baby sweater I had been working on for my lawyer friend's new niece, and she loved it, so that got finished up and delivered this week. HNB bought me my own motorcycle helmet(!) and it matches the new one he bought for himself...now if he could only get the part he needs to get the bike fixed so we could go riding, we'd be all set! Grad school is starting on 9/10, and I am all set, and excited even - I got all my financial aid paperwork done and my employer's tuition reimbursement will pay for both of my classes this semester and the books I need for them. My mother is doing fine and feeling much better actually. All is good over here at the kniternet, all is good! I am going shopping for a dress to wear to both weddings today, and may stop in for a pedicure. I also have to go to the LYS to pick out some buttons, darn...doesn't that just sound like a terrible day ; ) Peace out kiddies!

Full

When I was in massage school, I had a teacher, who, amongst other wonderful quotes such as "Nervousness is just excitement without breath" (really, think about it and its true!), also used to say "I'm full."

Not full in the sense that she ate too may burritos at the burrito bar or consumed a whole bag of Oreos on her own in front of the TV the night before. Nope. What she meant is the feeling when you have just taken in too much information, when there is just too much going on in your life and in you head and you don't quite know what to do but cut yourself off from it.

Needless to say kids, I am full.

In the past few weeks, I have come to the conclusion that I really love HNB in a way that is almost uncomfortable for me to deal with, because I haven't felt quite this way about someone in over ten years, and even then, it didn't feel like this.

My dog got completely out of control and then bit me (!) so HNB (who thinks he is the Dog Whisperer) and I have been working with him to do some long overdue dog training, and HNB has been working on trying to get me to treat the dog as a, um, dog, and not my child. It has been difficult for us all.

Also, my BFF....preggers and engaged and getting married next month!!!! I have her wedding surprise that I am crafting (on the off chance she has time to surf the web and comes a wandering over here, I am not telling you all what I am doing..suffice it to say though it is loverly and third time is a charm with the crafting).

Other BFF from college is also with child, and I have a combo surprise baby shower and "bachelorette party" weekend down in NYC that I hadn't really planned on time wise and money wise, because....HNB and I are going to Florida the next week for one of his really good friend's weddings.

The wedding is on Saturday, so I am flying down on the earliest flight that day. Um, yeah, my vacation time is a little lacking as of right now. I have managed to get Monday and Tuesday off, and will be flying back on Wednesday morning and going right to work from 11:30-8:00pm. Lather rinse, repeat.

My massage practice has somehow blossomed into its own thriving little entity, in fact, I just had a call from a new client who booked for Monday night, which means, for the first time ever at my "new" office (I have been there over a year), I will have back to back clients. While super excited and grateful for this, I am a little concerned with the amount of time I spend on my massage therapy practice (in addition to my forty hour a week job) because....

...I got accepted to grad school, and am supposed to start on Monday. Like in three days Monday. Don't have any books, don't have any financial aide paperwork done because my advisor hasn't created a profile for me to be able to log on and get started. Have no way to pay for anything (tuition, books, my credit card bills) until I get the student loan. Someone hand me a paddle, I am up a crick.

All of this, combined with various other situations such as my mother having surgery yesterday because she has been sick for two weeks and never told me about either situation (she's kinda passive aggressive like that); the fact that I am going to the track and to a party tomorrow that I had no idea I was going to until yesterday and will be gone all day instead of home doing the nothing that I had been looking forward to doing all week; next weekend, I really want to go to the Great New York State Fair with HNB, but am concerned that I will get more stressed out by going than I would be upset by not going; I talk on the phone all day with elderly people who don't understand their health insurance (sometimes, I even get to talk to them under my desk because I have to yell at them so loudly that I have to get under there for the echo).

For poops and giggles, we will add to all of this the fact that I am making all my Christmas presents for 2007 and 2008 (please see the forgotten about list to you right). I have an insane amount of knitting and crafting to do, and basically, once all this wonderful stuff is over and dealt with, we will be in October and the Holiday crafting will be in full scary swing. All I have to say is HNB told me I can't bring knitting with me to the track on Saturday - he is incorrect, I can and I must (I will put it away at Uncle Ryan's party though babe, promise!) and Lawd help the TSA agent who may try to take my needles away from me when I fly to Florida. You may get to read about that one in the papers!

So, the point of this post, besides explaining where I have been and where I will be, is to inform you posting will be spotty at best around here for the next couple of weeks. Also, I feel better for having gotten my frustrations out in written form (have I mentioned I am also a little bit cranky because I haven't been writing or working on the book lately??). At any rate, also, I have decided that a daily mediation practice is in order, and I will begin working on that today. Also, taking a page from Aunt Pearl (she's crazy you know!) and giving this a shot. I am going with October 28, sound like a good day for a breakdown, no?

You Know You Miss Me

Yes. So my life seems to be a repetitive continuous stream of HNB is here = stay up late and wake up early to take out the dogs; HNB not here = can't sleep until after midnight but am so tired when the alarm goes off in the morning that I am useless. Sigh....

At any rate, this weeks WWWdotWEDNESDAYdotCOM goes to what may be the best name for a knitting blog ever! Knit and Tonic is a very funny sight. She is a designer and very talented writer. Unlike a lot of knit blogs, hers is not filled with pictures of her kids and stories about them, which can get a little annoying (maybe like reading a knit blog that is all about someones new boyfriend......). I think you will enjoy reading her site, right now she is photographing pictures for her first knitting book that she is publishing.

K, this is a quickie - I have a lot to do before I leave for work and not a lot of time to do it. Sorry for the lack of posting lately, but you know how it is in the summer. Peace out!

In the Abscence of HNB...

...I find myself unable to sleep.

It is after midnight, normally I am well on my way to sleepy time. Not so much tonight.

My darling overindulged in the Labatt Blue like only he can, and he had to spend the night at his friend's house in Saratoga. I much prefer this to his driving home (or me going to pick him up and then having to bring him back up there to get his truck), but still, my mind wants to go to sleep and my body wont let me.

I went to dinner tonight with my lawyer friend, we had a lovely time, and then I went to get groceries.

At 9:30 at night.

By myself.

I had to bring all the bags up to my apartment (normally HNB goes with me and carries the bags for me because that's how he rolls, that, and most of the food is for him). I put all the groceries away, cleaned out the fridge and freezer, did the dishes, ran the dishwasher, did a load of laundry (and folded it!) and made a pot of organic black bean soup in the crock pot (did I mention I started with dry beans and had to soak and cook them???!!).

Now, its way past my bed time. I am hoping I will fall into bed in a minute or two and drift soundly to sleep, but I don't think so. I love having him here, but I'm not so in love with the being so used to him being here that I can't fall asleep without him. I guess this is what people do though...they get used to being with people, and they depend on them and then that's how a real relationship is deepened and strengthened.

All I know is my HNB is sleeping on some couch tonight, and I will fall asleep eventually in my uber-comfy bed with my dog snuggled up behind my arse or up against my belly, wishing that HNB was here and thinking how wonderful it will be when I see him again.

That, and I am such a girl.

Sweet dreams people of the inter-tubes...I am off to Ambien land!

PS - The application was submitted at 11:05 pm...at least I got something done in the absence of HNB besides domestical crap!

Growing

Today is the day.

Yes, it is time for WWWdotWEDNESDAYdotCOM, but today is also the day I am actually going to send in my application for grad school.

Yep kids, you heard right...I am going to do it today.

In honor of this, today's link is for Ellis College, where I will be sending in my application and $85 right after wok today. See, with my work schedule and massage therapy practice, going to a brick and mortar school would be very difficult if not impossible, and would also cause Mr. Kendall to turn into even more of a latchkey dog than he already is (and who wants that?). I mean really, look at this face...



Now that I have distracted you with cute dog photos, I will take this opportunity to admit that going back to school has been the plan since I took the new job in November. I had to wait until the first week in June to begin classes so that I would get my tuition reimbursement from the company ($5k a year!), but, you may ask, why have I waited another two months to actually get the paperwork in and get the ball rolling?

The easy answer is to blame it on all the time I spend with HNB, and that has played a part in my delay. Also, I decided that I didn't really want to start grad school at the beginning of the summer, and there are financial aid implications (like me having to fill out another freakin' FAFSA form to start before August/September). Truth be told, even after the tuition reimbursement, I am still going to be paying for a large portion of this with loans, and I am slightly hesitant to take out more student loans than I already have.

I took out a doozy of a loan when I was in undergraduate (I paid my own way through and worked to pay all my living expenses, but tuition and books were expensive) and the one for massage therapy school still has another 12 years left on it, do I really need to add to this?? And, truth be told, my track record for using my degree once I graduate isn't the greatest. I defend this by saying "What the hell can you do with a BA in psychology and a dual minor in English and women's studies besides waitress or be poor?" As for the massage therapy degree, I never intended to use it to provide my sole source of income, so the fact that it is more of a side business really is okay with me.

I figure, I can take 5k worth of class there in the calendar year, if I don't like it, no harm no foul my company paid the bill. Kind of like when the restaurant I used to work for (many, many moons ago) paid for me to take a summer graduate level class in education and I promptly decided that Education graduate students are a special type of crazy and I didn't want to be a teacher. I'll give it a shot, make the most of it, try to explain to HNB why I never see him anymore and bunker down and go back to school.

This just leaves us one question to be answered: Is it appropriate to buy yourself a new back to school wardrobe if you are going back to school online??? I think the answer is yes my lovelies, I think the answer is yes.

PS for my Lawyer Friend: The baby hat is done, the sweater has one sleeve and one entire body done. Today while at work I will make the other sleeve and start working on the neck/shoulders area. Estimated time to completion, Saturday. Pictures to follow promptly.

Disappointment

Of which there will be some (and none!) in this post.

Firstly, my weekend with HNB and my family went very well. He liked them, they liked him, everyone behaved and was polite. Food was cooked, beer was drank, a hotel was stayed in and doggies went to their grandparent's houses so their respective mommy and daddy could sleep peacefully and beyond the hour of 6am...all was good with the world. We played in the pools at my aunts' houses, went for a boat ride along the St. Lawrence River with my dad and brother...all in all it was good times.

We "took the scenic" route yesterday and the trip home took us about eight and a half hours when it should only take about four, but we did stop at HNB's family camp. It was beautiful and peaceful and I look forward to making him take me up there in the fall when the leaves change colors so we can enjoy another weekend of dog-less wonder.

Here are pictures. In retrospect, I wish I had taken a little movie of it so that you could hear the water rushing past...it was surprisingly loud and I fear if we were there for any length of time I would be tinkling a lot.





In the last one, you can kind of see how orange the water is. HNB said because of all the leather tanning they used to do in the area, the water still flows with a pretty strong orange tint. Whatever, it is beautiful and I wanted to go jump around in it, but I only had my Crocs with me and they are not the best shoes to be wearing in rapidly moving water, IMO, so I stayed on the shore and took pictures. At least I took pictures until my camera ran out of batteries.

We drove home through the Adirondack Park, and poor HNB (who had to listen to me say "Ooh, babe look - a kayak!" every time I saw one strapped to a car) was forced to listen to "Ooh, babe I wish I had my kayak!" as we dove past about a gazillion calm lakes and slow moving streams that are perfect for the type of kayaking I like to do. I need to "gently encourage" HNB to get a kayak and then get a roof rack for my car and we can just take off and go kayaking like a couple of kayakers.

What, "this is supposed to be a knitting blog" you say? Well, here is where the disappointment comes in (see, the rest of the post, completely lacking in disappointment because I was one very happy knitter all weekend!). Whilst driving home yesterday, I saw a sign that said, amongst other things, "yarn shop." HNB, being the best boyfriend ever, pulled a u-turn and promptly delivered me, wallet in hand, to the "yarn shop."

We pulled in the driveway, and seeing as the sign instructed us to "blow your horn," HNB tooted the tooter and we waited. Nothing.

Eventually, the neighbor came out and went to go get the people who lived in the house with a sign that said "yarn shop." At this point in the story, I would like to take this opportunity to explain a little more about where we were, geographically speaking.

We were in the middle of East Bumblef*ck, on what amounted to a mass of farm land. One could assume, with a sign that says "yarn shop" given the geographic location of the area that even though sheep were not visible, they must be close by, right???

Eventually, a very old gentleman came out and said yes, they had yarn and it was in the house. HNB stayed outside to entertain the dog and I walked through a dirty garage into a dirty house that smelled like kitty tinkle, the gentleman who came out of the house called to his wife that "there was a yarn customer" and he opened the door to a small room and told me to go in because his wife would be right with me.

I walked in, and it was filled with acrylic. Not even good acrylic. We're talking pastel baby yarn from 1973 and really, really, really old musty patterns and toilet paper crochet cover things. I waited until the lady came into the room, and politely asked if she had any wool. Because, it as obvious the beautiful handspun and dyed wool from the beautiful flock of invisible sheep must be hiding somewhere that was safe from the obviously evil peeing kitties. Her response, gentle blog readers, sent chills down my spine:

"I am allergic to wool, don't use it so I don't sell it."

She said this with a straight face as if her being allergic somehow made it okay for her to call this sorry collection of yarn a "yarn shop." Truth be told, it was more of a moderate sized stash of really bad yarn. I felt duped. I felt sad. I felt like I wanted to cry.

In the end, I said thank you, but that I really was looking for wool, and then we made small talk about an atrocious cardigan that had been knitted in a very scratchy acrylic yarn in a color that would not be becoming in a person the size it was knitted for. Then I left. Empty handed.

HNB looked at me quizzically when I came back to the car, and I tried not to laugh/cry as I told him it was okay to get back in the car because there would be no purchases here. For Miss Kniternet had struck out at bat, and there would be no stash enhancing opportunity that day. Nope. No new yarn for me.

We trudged on home, and I sat there not knitting (because while I brought my knitting with me, there was no actual knitting performed all weekend - sorry Lawyer Friend, I promise the baby sweater will be finished soon - opening day of the track tomorrow means HNB is out of the picture until Friday...I have lots of free time!), even though I did have about ten hours in the car that were prime knitting time - two hours were lost to sleep - I just so enjoyed being a passenger for the first time in a zillion years that I stared out the window and HNB and I had good car conversation.

All in all it was a great trip, even if the lack of truth in advertising did cause me to think there was yarn available where there was only crap. The doggies had fun, HNB and I had fun and I think I speak for everyone when I say we are happy to be home. On a final note, super cute picture of my dog and his nephew Sam (my parents' dog) playing in the backyard with my brother. Peace out - post tomorrow...I promise!

Did 'Ya Miss Me?

Cause heaven knows I missed the wonderful tubes of the internet!

I had a lovely trip to see my family, filled with lots of sleeping, , family togetherness and Mr. Kendall being a good dog (seriously, no sarcasm there). HNB and I are going back up there together this upcoming weekend so he can meet my family (!) and I am thinking things will go fantastically well. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Of course, as usual, I brought my camera but didn't really take any pictures. You would be correct in thinking all the pictures I did take are of my dog, so when I have time to download them to my computer, you will be regaled with cute photos of my four legged baby. I misses him because he stayed for an extended vacation at his Gramma and Grampa's house. It just didn't make sense to bing him home for four days and then bring him back up there and have him stay there without me [HNB and I are getting a hotel - two double beds of course ; ) - so Mr. Kendall has to stay with my parents because they don't allow dogs] next weekend. I figured he could enjoy being a country dog for the week and I could sleep in a little bit in the mornings!

Before I forget, this week's WWWdotWEDNESDAYdotCOM is for Etsy.com which is a uber-wonderful website where crafty peoples make things and then sell them. It's kind of like an online craft market, and is filled with all sorts of wonderful ideas and pieces and truth be told, I could spend a lot of time (and money!) there. Last night I made a purchase, and I can't wait for my stuff to get here (don't worry, I promise I will take pictures when it arrives!).

On to the knitting. Last post, I realize was all about the "yarn stash" problem, but I feel in the ten minutes I have to finish posting this before I need to leave for work, we should discuss the alarming problem of the number of things I have on my needles, i.e. the number of current projects I am working on. Off the top of my head, I can think of no fewer than nine unfinished projects I am currently working on:

1. My parent's Christmas mitre square afghan
2. Purple socks for my Mom
3. Baby blanket for BFF Erika
4. Teddy Bear for Jennica
5. Rainbow Opal socks for me
6. Lavender Mittens
7. Pink and white cotton baby hat
8. Jennica's baby sweater
9. Knitting for Peace messenger bag
   

Add to this the fact that the yarn was delivered to me yesterday for my fist contracted knitting assignment, and it is Cashmerino and I must stat knitting with it straightaway, and that combines for a pretty full bag of knitting tricks. Problem is I have so much yarn now, that I want to cast on for even more projects and I am a fickle, fickle knitter who has no control of herself. I fear becoming the knitter who has projects she forgot about casting on and then finds them years later and doesn't remember what they are.

For all of these reasons, sometime in the near future, a fair and honest inventory will be taken of all current projects, along with a "status check" of the craft closet. This will involve photo documentation as well as the welcoming of public admonishment for my shameful knitting ways. I fear public humiliation is the only thing that can save me now.

Well, I am off to work, and I have a bag FULL of tricks to knit with today ; )

Peace out kiddies and Happy Wednesday!