Saturday, August 25, 2007

What a Difference a Week Makes!

So, I am feeling much better now, thankyouverymuchforasking.

I realized, that if someone had asked me one year ago what my ideal life would be like today, I would have responded that I wanted the following things:

  1. A wonderful boyfriend/partner - CHECK!
  2. A good, stable job with decent health benefits - CHECK!
  3. My massage practice to be to a point where I am seeing 2-3 clients a week consistently - CHECK!
  4. My dog not peeing on the floor anymore - CHECK! (and truly, this might be appropriately placed slightly higher on the list)
  5. In grad school, working to get myself out of debt - CHECK! (more on my master financial plan at a later date!)
  6. I would have more yarn - CHECK, double CHECK and triple CHECK! (the stash getteth out of hand!)
This brings up the question of why am I feeling overwhelmed if I have all the things I thought I wanted? I think it was more a feeling of, for the first time in a long time, my life seems to be going ferociously in the direction I want it to, and that is a little scary. There has been a great deal of change going on around here in the last 10 months, and that is scary, but at the same time, the things that are changing are all things that I wanted to change, and I am grateful for where I am and to be abale to do the things I want to do with the people I want to do them with.

For the past week, whenever I felt overwhelmed by what was going on, I just took a step back, and said to myself "this is what you are doing right now, at this very minute (i.e. driving in the car, walking to my office, knitting a never ending surprise wedding present for my BFF), doesn't matter what is going on in ten minutes or ten days, this is what you are doing now and this is what is important." This focusing in on the present has really helped me to come back into myself a little, if that makes sense. I tend to get super stressed out about all the things that are going on in my life that are coming up instead of enjoying the things that happen to me as they are actually occurring. This past week, I made a concerted effort to not let myself do that, and it has made a huge change in how I feel.

I'm doing what I can, when I can, and instead of feeling overwhelmed, I feel grateful that I have the kind of life that I wanted and now know I am capable of having. I'm taking it one day at a time, and trying to change my perspective on things. For example, I am no longer saying "I have to fly to Florida by myself for the first time since 9/11 and pick up a rental car and then drive all over Florida to go pick up my HNB who will most likely already be drunk and then go to a wedding where I know exactly three people, all in the same day."

New attitude is dudes, I'm f***ing going to Florida - pass the sunscreen!

Update on this week's activities: Had a super fun time last weekend with HNB at the track; my lawyer friend "gently" informed him that I was allowed to bring knitting. I brought it, but didn't actually do any knitting because I never got bored. I did, however, bring the baby sweater I had been working on for my lawyer friend's new niece, and she loved it, so that got finished up and delivered this week. HNB bought me my own motorcycle helmet(!) and it matches the new one he bought for if he could only get the part he needs to get the bike fixed so we could go riding, we'd be all set! Grad school is starting on 9/10, and I am all set, and excited even - I got all my financial aid paperwork done and my employer's tuition reimbursement will pay for both of my classes this semester and the books I need for them. My mother is doing fine and feeling much better actually. All is good over here at the kniternet, all is good! I am going shopping for a dress to wear to both weddings today, and may stop in for a pedicure. I also have to go to the LYS to pick out some buttons, darn...doesn't that just sound like a terrible day ; ) Peace out kiddies!

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