When I was in massage school, I had a teacher, who, amongst other wonderful quotes such as "Nervousness is just excitement without breath" (really, think about it and its true!), also used to say "I'm full."
Not full in the sense that she ate too may burritos at the burrito bar or consumed a whole bag of Oreos on her own in front of the TV the night before. Nope. What she meant is the feeling when you have just taken in too much information, when there is just too much going on in your life and in you head and you don't quite know what to do but cut yourself off from it.
Needless to say kids, I am full.
In the past few weeks, I have come to the conclusion that I really love HNB in a way that is almost uncomfortable for me to deal with, because I haven't felt quite this way about someone in over ten years, and even then, it didn't feel like this.
My dog got completely out of control and then bit me (!) so HNB (who thinks he is the Dog Whisperer) and I have been working with him to do some long overdue dog training, and HNB has been working on trying to get me to treat the dog as a, um, dog, and not my child. It has been difficult for us all.
Also, my BFF....preggers and engaged and getting married next month!!!! I have her wedding surprise that I am crafting (on the off chance she has time to surf the web and comes a wandering over here, I am not telling you all what I am doing..suffice it to say though it is loverly and third time is a charm with the crafting).
Other BFF from college is also with child, and I have a combo surprise baby shower and "bachelorette party" weekend down in NYC that I hadn't really planned on time wise and money wise, because....HNB and I are going to Florida the next week for one of his really good friend's weddings.
The wedding is on Saturday, so I am flying down on the earliest flight that day. Um, yeah, my vacation time is a little lacking as of right now. I have managed to get Monday and Tuesday off, and will be flying back on Wednesday morning and going right to work from 11:30-8:00pm. Lather rinse, repeat.
My massage practice has somehow blossomed into its own thriving little entity, in fact, I just had a call from a new client who booked for Monday night, which means, for the first time ever at my "new" office (I have been there over a year), I will have back to back clients. While super excited and grateful for this, I am a little concerned with the amount of time I spend on my massage therapy practice (in addition to my forty hour a week job) because....
...I got accepted to grad school, and am supposed to start on Monday. Like in three days Monday. Don't have any books, don't have any financial aide paperwork done because my advisor hasn't created a profile for me to be able to log on and get started. Have no way to pay for anything (tuition, books, my credit card bills) until I get the student loan. Someone hand me a paddle, I am up a crick.
All of this, combined with various other situations such as my mother having surgery yesterday because she has been sick for two weeks and never told me about either situation (she's kinda passive aggressive like that); the fact that I am going to the track and to a party tomorrow that I had no idea I was going to until yesterday and will be gone all day instead of home doing the nothing that I had been looking forward to doing all week; next weekend, I really want to go to the Great New York State Fair with HNB, but am concerned that I will get more stressed out by going than I would be upset by not going; I talk on the phone all day with elderly people who don't understand their health insurance (sometimes, I even get to talk to them under my desk because I have to yell at them so loudly that I have to get under there for the echo).
For poops and giggles, we will add to all of this the fact that I am making all my Christmas presents for 2007 and 2008 (please see the forgotten about list to you right). I have an insane amount of knitting and crafting to do, and basically, once all this wonderful stuff is over and dealt with, we will be in October and the Holiday crafting will be in full scary swing. All I have to say is HNB told me I can't bring knitting with me to the track on Saturday - he is incorrect, I can and I must (I will put it away at Uncle Ryan's party though babe, promise!) and Lawd help the TSA agent who may try to take my needles away from me when I fly to Florida. You may get to read about that one in the papers!
So, the point of this post, besides explaining where I have been and where I will be, is to inform you posting will be spotty at best around here for the next couple of weeks. Also, I feel better for having gotten my frustrations out in written form (have I mentioned I am also a little bit cranky because I haven't been writing or working on the book lately??). At any rate, also, I have decided that a daily mediation practice is in order, and I will begin working on that today. Also, taking a page from Aunt Pearl (she's crazy you know!) and giving this a shot. I am going with October 28, sound like a good day for a breakdown, no?